Bacon Bits

You know when you’re at a free five-course dinner in a circus tent with a bunch of wacky singing waiters and trapeze artists and Martha Davis of the Motels running her hands over your face and they’ve comped your bar tab too and you love that one crazy couple at your table but loathe the other two so you and your date and the cool couple just keep drinking and drinking and drinking, just for fun and because you can and kind of in spite of the lame couple (one of whom actually made ‘crucifix fingers’ at you when you said you were from L.A.) and you thought this whole thing might be torture but well over three hours later you’re the last people to leave and there’s a staff party going on in the lobby so you stay and start drinking champagne and checking out the busboys until you spill a second glass of bubbly all over your jeans and when you come back from cleaning yourself up in the bathroom and walk over to your table some random dude steps in and says “Excuse me” and takes away what you thought was your glass of champagne but leaves two behind so you might’ve been drinking his or he might’ve been cutting you off in the most discreet way possible and you’re too drunk to know for sure and definitely too drunk to care either way?

That totally happened to me last night.

I woke up naked, on top of the bed, all the lights on, tangled up in my bulky ProDJ headphones and iPod which had apparently been blasting "Since U Been Gone" by Kelly Clarkson over and over and over again, all night long. Which I'm guessing might be a situation that even more people could find themselves in.

Right????